Pages

Friday, April 24, 2015

Dears in the Headlights

Hana Brett
Tompkins
WLH 2
24 April 2015
Dears in the Headlights
“Follow I-5 South to North Church Lane in Los Angeles for 260 miles. Take the exit toward Sunset Boulevard from I-405 South San Diego Freeway,” Siri monotonously announced to the car full of bedding, room decorations, clothes, a variety of snacks, and two eighteen year old partners-in-crime.
Sarah grabbed the iPhone resting in the passenger seat cupholder. “Only three hours and fifty-four minutes until arrival at the University of California, Los Angeles.” She mocked Siri’s voice as she read the ETA from Apple Maps.  
They both cheerfully giggled, excited to check off one more thing on their best friends’ bucket list: roommates in college.  As they sped along in their 2010 Honda Accord, they admired the endless rolling hills, dried a burnt-yellow from the beating July sun and, of course, the lack of rain from the devastating California drought.
For the first time during the car ride, they heard the rolling wheels cruise down the well-traveled highway.  Conversation had filled the car ride for the first two hours without any awkward silences. Their first fifteen second break brought to their attention the lack of music from the radio.  With one hand on the wheel, Maddie reached for the radio to turn on their favorite station: ‘WiLD 94.9 - The Bay’s #1 Hit Music Station!’  Immediately static blasted from the car speakers.  Forgetting they were no longer in the Bay Area, Maddie systematically cycled through the stations to find the best music on the air, while focusing only half of her attention on the road.  After analyzing almost a dozen different stations, Maddie finally stopped when she found one to their liking and twisted the volume knob all the way up.  Maddie and Sarah instantaneously locked eyes and squealed because this was their song.  Whenever either of them needed a little cheering up within the last eight years, they played this song, blasting it in their rooms and dancing until they were breathless.  When the song first came out in fifth grade, they performed a choreographed dance for their school talent show, which they still could perform at any given moment.  They knew the song so well they might as well have written it.    
They modified their fifth grade dance to just the hand and head motions, making it suitable for performing in the car.  Both ready to belt out the chorus, they once again locked eyes and smiled.  A moment before the chorus began to play, a piercing buzz shrieked from the radio. Both Sarah and Maddie jumped from the sound and covered their ears quicker than a teenager could text ‘OMG’.
“CALIFORNIA AMBER ALERT! CHILD ABDUCTION! SILVER TOYOTA COROLLA. LICENSE PLATE 6KIS893. REPEAT, CALIFORNIA AMBER ALERT! SILVER TOYOTA COROLLA,” the radio blared with the obnoxious alarm in between intervals, stinging their ears. Sarah spun the volume knob all the way down, and the two girls simultaneously took in one large breath and let out a deep sigh.  Briefly worried about the abducted, unknown child, the two girls tried to shake off the eerie vibe that enveloped the car.  
The sun began to set over those boundless hills, creating luminous colors of pink and orange stretching across the sky.  Within only a few minutes, this scenic route will have turned into nothing but a pitch black road, only visible through the headlights of their own car.
“Do you smell that?” Sarah perked up in her seat, leaned forward to peer through the front window, and then turned her head around to the back windows.
“Hm, no I don’t.” Maddie glanced at the gas gage then wiggled her nose around with confusion.
Thump. Bang. BANG!
“Please tell me you heard that!” Sarah’s wide eyes pleaded for confirmation that everything would be fine but then darted to the trail of smoke escaping from the front of the car.  The gas pedal instantly failed and the check engine light flashed on the dashboard.  The car drifted until they finally came to a complete stop, and Maddie pulled over to the shoulder.  She walked to the front of the car and lifted up the smoky hood, while Sarah walked along the extensive road, searching for any specks of light resembling headlights.
“This does not look very good,” Maddie reported as dusty clouds of smoke rapidly arose from the hood of the car.
“Yeah, I don’t see any cars out here either.” Sarah’s voice was filled with despair until two headlights became visible in the distance.
“Over there! Look!” Sarah danced with joy. They excitedly watched the car get closer and closer, and then they disappointedly watched it whiz right by.
After waiting alongside the road for just under an hour, the girls saw a car up ahead pull over and drive in the rocky shoulder. The girls waved and shouted as their hope of safely getting to UCLA was renewed.  When the car became close enough to see clearly, Maddie and Sarah stared at the car paint as it shimmered in the light from their car headlights.  Reflecting the same color as the moon, the silver car shined brightly, illuminating the Toyota logo on the front of the car.
“Isn’t that the…” Maddie’s shaking voice stopped mid-sentence as both girls realized the severity of their predicament.  Maddie nuzzled in close to Sarah for comfort and squeezed her hand, as she always did right before a murder when they watched Criminal Minds together.  

The car stopped, the headlights shining right on the two girls.  They stood next to their broken down car, innocently waiting for help on the side of the highway in the middle of the night.  As the door slowly creaked open, Maddie and Sarah watched two feet step steadily out of the car.  Blinded, these poor dears in the headlights froze as they heard the leaves being crushed to dust under heavy boots and saw a black silhouette approach them.

4 comments:

  1. This is a really different story! I didn't really expect what was going to happen, so good job on the plot. I also really like how you used funny little elements, like the teenager typing OMG and stuff. You captured the excited, squealing college freshman character really well.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I really like the stuff you add since I last read this. You did a really cool job of keeping it written in a light stylistic way, but still building tension. I really like what you chose for your last line. It basically sums up everything you hope is not just about to happen. Also, leaving it right there is really cool because it really forces the reader to rethink what they just read from not knowing what just happened or what will for that matter.

    ReplyDelete
  3. This story is so well done. The plot twist at the end is so creative, and written so well so the end of the story is excellent. I also really like the character development throughout the story. Not only did you develop the characters, but also the tone of the story through your writing. Nice job!

    ReplyDelete
  4. The plot was so well done! I loved the ending and I definitely did not see that coming at all. I think the way the plot moved along also led to really good mood swings that highlighted your characters emotions. Your vocabulary was great was well and it really enriched your story.

    ReplyDelete